This First Date Mistake Is Costing You A Second One

When it comes to dating – as with many things in life – there are no guarantees of success. You may think you’ve got everything covered:  from picking a great, cozy restaurant and being dressed up to the nines, to showing your most polite and gentlemanly behavior, but then you never hear back from her. If you can’t figure out why, this first date mistake may be the answer.

A Common First Date Mistake That Puts People Off

If you thought the date went swimmingly and can’t put your finger on the reason she’s practically gone AWOL ever since, it may be due to reasons that have nothing to do with you (like her discovering she’s not over her ex, or realizing she’s not ready for a relationship), or due to this one very common first date mistake you’ve made: being negative. read more

This Is How You Can Avoid An Affair In Your Marriage

No one gets married planning to cheat on their partner, or even thinking they will be cheated on. We hear about it happening all around us, though, so we know it’s a possibility we can’t rule out completely. There are, however, things we can do in order to avoid an affair that would put a spanner in the works of our plans for marital bliss.

The Best Way To Avoid An Affair That Would Blow Up Your Marriage

The figures given by the Statistic Brain Research Institute show that one or both spouses admit to either physical or emotional infidelity in 41% of marriages; with a whopping  57% of men and over half (51%) of women admitting to infidelity in any of their relationships. These figures are hardly reason for complacency, but they shouldn’t put you off marriage either.

The way most of us deal with the fear of being cheated on is to sternly warn our partner that infidelity is out of bounds in our marriage, and letting him/her know that the minute we catch wind that they have done the deed, we’re gone for good. Even though it might seem like the only way to discourage our partners from having an affair, in reality, what this straightforward approach does is to make them want to cover their tracks so we never learn about their affair.

Understanding Why People Have Affairs

What we need to understand, then, is why men and women may cheat. Only then can we work on eliminating, or at least reducing these causes. As concerns men, it has been found that the main reason a guy will stray is for casual sex. If a man is not 100% satisfied with his sex life at home, he is likely to look for what he wants in an affair. For women, on the other hand, it seems that the number one reason for infidelity is feeling emotionally neglected or unwanted. In other words, women might seek comfort and admiration in the arms of a lover if they feel scorned within their marriage.

So, What Can You Do To Avoid An Affair In A Marriage?

There are 3 main things you can do to prevent the worst from happening.  First of all, you need to be aware of your partner’s needs and desires. This can only be achieved through constant and open communication. It is the main reason why two spouses need to first and foremost be good friends with each other, they need to feel free to express their true self and not be ashamed to communicate their needs and wants for fear of being criticized.

Second, as a marriage progresses, so do the people involved in it. What was once desirable, may not be so anymore, but there will be core things your spouse admired in you that he/she still finds irresistible.  For example, if it’s her long hair you love, let her know so she can keep it this way; if she admires your cooking skills, don’t stop making her favorite dish. In other words, evolve but also stay true to the things that brought you together.

A third way to avoid an affair ruining your marriage is to be sincere enough to discuss temptation with each other. Do you find Beyonce stunning? Does she think Alexander Skarsgaard is God’s gift to women? So what? Make it OK to talk about the people you find attractive like two adults who are neither blind nor asexual, knowing you are committed, you are making the conscious decision to remain faithful to each other.

To cut a long story short, you can’t put your marriage in bubble-wrap and be safe in the knowledge it will never break. But, you can avoid an affair breaking it if you make sure you handle it with love and care every single day.

Men Explain How They Got Over Their Bad Dating Habits

Let’s be honest, dating can be as much fun as it can be a total nightmare. And if you have bad dating habits, it can be hard as hell to break the cycle of lousy decisions. Luckily, it can be done, and some men have managed to turn their disastrous behavior around.

How Can Bad Dating Habits Be Turned Around

From being driven only by sex to being incredibly picky, some men used to sabotage their own personal happiness. This is how they turned their life around.

The Guy Who Thought It Was All About Sex

This was someone who only cared about the number of ladies he’d slept with. His perception of happiness was going home with a different woman every night. He felt that it was sort of achievement that proved how attractive and successful he was. One day, he realized it was not enough to list numbers, he felt alone and empty. This guy decided to change his attitude towards women and became more respectful and choosy. He is now happily engaged, and not missing his days of debauchery at all.

The Career-Driven Guy

You probably meet this type of guy at work. He leaves and breathes for work, his only care being how to climb the career ladder. This guy only dated casually, usually with some co-worker he didn’t even trust with his real worries for fear she’d use the info against him. He got a major raise and a huge office, and then noticed how miserable he was because there was no one to truly share his joy with. He slowed down, made some time for himself and is now seriously looking to meet the woman with whom to share his deepest thoughts and his happiness.

The Guy Who Was Too Picky

From the way his date dressed to the shape of her toes, this was a person who was looking for perfection. He would look and look for flaws, until he found one – even a tiny detail no one else would care about. Then, he’d act grossed out and walk away from the relationship. Someone talked about it with him, and opened up his eyes to the truth: he was a commitment-phobe who had been hurt before. So he ended things before his partner had a chance to leave him first. Today, he is in a blissful, long-term relationship with a woman who may not be perfect, but she’s perfect for him.

The Guy Who Was Too Insecure

His bad dating habits included calling his girlfriend constantly to check on her, not really trusting she was telling him the truth, not allowing her to see her friends and occasionally trying to put her down. Some girl he genuinely loved upped and left him, explaining that he needed to work on himself. And so he did. He attended long counseling sessions where he looked into the real reasons he felt so insecure, managing to raise his self-esteem and accept himself for who he really is. He’s back with his girl, and he’s a different person today.

Bad dating habits can deprive us of happiness and they can cost us the chance to find someone to share our lives with. As with all habits, they may be hard to break, but the first and perhaps most important step is to realize they exist before we figure out a way to get over them.

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How To Turn Online Flirting Into An Offline Relationship

With the sun shining brightly and the refreshingly cool spring breeze softly touching our faces, isn’t it weird we’re at home in front of our computer screens instead of out there enjoying ourselves together? No, it isn’t, because this is how modern life is sometimes. We meet people online, we flirt with them, trying to figure out if this online flirting can work IRL, and then we freak out at the prospect of making the next step.

Online Flirting Is Fun, But You Should Take A Step Further

There’s no doubt that there is attraction in having a mysterious stranger text you or e-mail you or chat with you. Someone with whom you can connect on so many levels that it kind of stresses you out if they will be equally attractive face-to-face or if they will still like you when they see you standing awkwardly right there in front of them.

But these are not reasons to avoid real life meetings with our online flirts. In fact, you should view online dating like the first dish you order at a restaurant; the appetizer that whets your (emotional) appetite and gives you a good idea about how good the restaurant is before the main course: the real-life date.

The Red Flags

The first thing that will help you decide if you should take the online flirting further is the absence of red flags. If you notice the other person wishing to leave the online site for more personal communication (via e-mail for example), it’s a worrying sign because online dating sites are there to ensure your safety.

Second, if they hardly ever have time for the meeting, say for instance they can only meet you on Tuesday from 7 to 9, it may be an indication they are in a relationship (or marriage) and can only go under the radar then.

The First Date

It isn’t always easy making sure the person is legit beforehand, though. So, when you arrange the first date make sure it’s during the day (no nights out on the first date), with a coffee date becoming more and more popular (for a number of reasons you can read here).

Some indicators of a bad date are: paying more attention to her mobile than you, talking about her ex too much, bad body language, rudeness to other people and bragging. These are all red flags you shouldn’t ignore, as they can save you a lot of time and trouble.

Taking Things To The Next Level

If you decide to continue dating after the first date, that’s great news. Make sure you keep things light and fun on your next dates, do open up a little but don’t overshare – too much too soon can scare people away and put you in an overly vulnerable position. Take things slow, but not too slow as you may be seen as too timid and maybe even not interested enough.

Be honest about your intentions, but don’t be blatant. There’s a fine line between sincerity and rudeness. If you are both into getting physical, go on – but be sure you’re on the same page and going for the same things. If it means more to one of you, it’s best to avoid it altogether for a start.

Meeting each other in the flesh can cause some disappointment at first, because who doesn’t present themselves in the best possible way when we are online? The truth can be less polished and revealing, but at the end of the day, everyone deserves to be appreciated and loved for who they really are.

Online flirting is a fantastic opportunity to get to know people from all walks of life, even from different places of the earth, and it should be celebrated for doing this amazing service to us. But avoiding IRL contact may be a sign that we are too afraid of commitment and shying away from the experiences of life.

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