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Dating Rules You Must Forget Immediately

In our (sometimes) desperate desire to find our significant other, we turn to a number of experts for the right advice on how to win over our object of desire. However, almost nothing in life is black and white, and the same goes for the way we should deal with romance and dating. Here are some dating rules you need to stop following blindly.

Why These Common Dating Rules Don’t Work

We don’t suggest that you shouldn’t listen to any kind of advice, but here are some reasons why some dating rules may actually be dating myths.

Rule 1. You shouldn’t discuss any sort of serious topics on your dates. While there is some sense to this piece of advice, it should just be followed on the first, maybe even second, date. You may not want to go into a heavy conversation about politics or religion from the word go, but keeping conversations trivial for longer than that is simply wrong. If you are interested in a serious relationship, you need to know that you and your date are on the same page regarding some core issues, at least.

Rule 2. You shouldn’t ever talk about your past relationships. Again, this is a rule that seems very logical. But here, the key is moderation. Incessantly talking about your ex would be a clear sign you are not over her yet and would, no doubt, put your current date off for good. At the other end of the spectrum, though, acting like you don’t have a past can also be indicative of the fact you’re not over your ex yet. The best idea is to be able to discuss your past (no details necessary, of course), thus showing you are not only over it but also wiser for it.

Rule 3. You need to wait an X amount of time before you pursue sexual contact or agree to it. This piece of advice is so outdated it is almost funny. How soon or late you feel comfortable being intimate with someone is an absolutely personal decision and cannot be put into rules and stereotypes. Simply do what your heart desires and what you both feel comfortable with.

Rule 4. You should keep your ‘issues’ to yourself. While it is logical to try to impress her, if you know you have some specific issues (for example, anxiety attacks or commitment issues), it is best to be open about them and let her know what she is deal with from the start. We’re not suggesting that you should go about talking about your dysfunctional family from the first date, but it’s not a good idea to hide who you really are either. Pretending will not make anyone make the right decisions regarding your relationship.

Rule 5. You should play hard to get. How many times have you heard someone telling you not to text her straight away but rather let 2 days pass before you make any kind of contact as a way to play hard to get? In today’s fast-paced world the next guy is one profile swipe or a click away, so why waste time if you know she’s what you want? As in Rule 3, the best policy is to follow your instinct.

Relationship advice helps us deal with difficult, stressful or unknown situations and that’s why it’s so valuable. However, it is ultimately up to you to decide with relationship rules you want to follow and which you should disregard.

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Why Is Unrequited Love So Damn Hard To Overcome?

Anyone who claims not to have suffered the pains of unrequited love is either closer to 14 than to 40 or lying. Most of us have been through this upsetting situation where the person we are after is simply unavailable. What makes this kind of love so difficult to get over, though?

This Is Why Unrequited Love Is So Addictive

If you rationalize it, why would anyone want someone they can’t have? In an ideal world, it would not even cross our minds to pursue people who are emotionally or otherwise unavailable. Why, then, do we cling on to them like a moth to a flame?

The truth of the matter is that we don’t consciously choose who we fall in love with. Unreciprocated love may be a situation where we love someone who is already in a relationship, so can’t return the feeling even if she wanted to or just someone who doesn’t feel the same way about us. Either way, it hurts.

Despite the fact we have little say over who we develop feelings for; most of us tend to idealize that person. As we fall more and more deeply in love with her, we only tend to notice her good features and traits. And while in romantic relationships partners will slowly appear more flawed than we originally thought they were, in a situation where you aren’t involved with your crush, she will continue to appear close to perfection because there is no friction between you or any real-life situation tests to her character.

Another reason why unrequited love is hard to let go of may be that some of us actually get a thrill out of them. If you keep finding yourself in the same pattern of one-sided love, perhaps there are psychological reasons for it. They could range from low self-esteem to a taste for drama, or even deeper reasons. In any case, an honest look into the causes you keep fall for those you can’t have will probably shed some light on the situation and help you move on.

Strange as it may sound, have you thought of the possibility that you are sabotaging yourself without even realizing it? Setting goals that are too high or unrealistic, like falling in love with a Hollywood actress or a woman who’s happily married, also sets you up for failure. Could it be that you are making this choice out of fear of rejection or commitment? If this is the case, unrequited love may be your refuge, your safe place – despite it sounding like some kind of an oxymoron.

For whatever reason you are experiencing this hurtful situation of not being loved back the way you’d like to, there are always ways to move on and find happiness. You just need to be determined and focused on your goal to find the love that you deserve.

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A Love Drug That Will Solve Our Romantic Problems Is Becoming A Reality

From the magical potions witches made in fairytales to an era where we are coming to understand our brains so well that there are now ways to experience emotions through drugs, one thing has always been the goal: love. It seems that a love drug is about to change the way we perceive the strongest emotion of all.

Why Would You Take A Love Drug?

After many years of constant and systematic research and experimentation, scientists seem to have come to understand how our brain experiences love through activation of its complex subsystems. By experimenting on two different kinds of prairie voles – one that’s monogamous and one that isn’t – scientists have come to identify the brain system behind romantic feelings in long-term relationships. Apparently, the difference in the oxytocin systems of the two species is what causes their different approaches to love.

Because there is not one kind of love though, as there are different chemicals released when we first fall in love and different ones when we are in a long-term, stable relationship, neuroscientists are more likely to focus the love drug on bringing the rush of the first stage of a romance back to long-term relationships.

The Various Uses Of A Love Drug

There may also be other uses, though, or even other types of emotion-controlling drugs, like the one that may act as an antidote for love. This could potentially be useful in abusive relationships when the abused partner would rather fall out of love and leave their abusive partner for good.

It is hard to tell, but some may say that there are already emotion-inducing drugs out there, some legally and others not. For instance, MDMA or the Amazonian hallucinogenic ayahuasca both bring about the release of oxytocin in the body. However, the effects they have are too short-term to have any true and lasting effect on a couple’s relationship.

A Question Of Ethics

As concerns the ethical aspect of love drugs, and whether it is morally right to interfere with love in a relationship, Anders Sandberg, a neuroethicist at Oxford University’s Future of Humanity Institute, has his own opinion. He says, “Should people having trouble in a relationship go to a marriage counselor? Shouldn’t a marriage just fall apart naturally? If someone goes away on a romantic holiday that costs a lot of money and comes back with a better marriage, we’d probably say, ‘Yeah, that’s great.’”

Despite the fact there is still a lot of research to be done, what’s probably more difficult to do than produce the love drug (or drugs if different kinds of them are produced), the big question is how and when it will be alright to take them. True life is a little more complicated than fairytales.

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