All posts by Anastasia Date

People From Harvard Explain How You Should Small Talk

Anyone who’s had a modicum of life experience will have been acquainted with the struggle of an uncomfortable dinner date with a girlfriend’s parents, a silent dinner with co-workers, or the awkward silences of a first date. All this could have been avoided if only they had mastered the art of small talk.

This Is How To Make Small Talk Work Big Wonders For You

Once again, science has come to help us tackle one of the hardest – albeit common – issues of our everyday lives: making conversation with people we’re not comfortable around. This time, Harvard Business School doctoral student Karen Huang and her research team made it their business to analyze over 300 online and face-to-face interactions between people in the process of getting to know each other, in a study aptly named “It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask: Question-asking Increases Liking”.

The Harvard University Study

Regarding online conversations, participants were given a random person to talk with for a quarter of an hour. In the first study, they instructed one of the two people in every pair to ask either many questions (a minimum of 9) or a few (a maximum of 4).

After the conversations, each participant was asked how much they liked their partner. What was gathered from their responses was that those who asked more questions, especially follow-up questions, were found to be more affable than those asking just a few.

In the second study, which examined online communication, participants chatted online for a quarter of an hour. However, this time they were not told how many questions to ask; they were simply told to ask many questions or few. Subsequently, third-party observers studied the transcripts of their chats.

In their view, those who got to answer many questions were more likable than those asking them, Huang reported to the Huffington Post.

Understanding The Findings

She continued, “We suspect this is because people who answer lots of questions end up revealing more information about their thoughts, ideas, and perspectives. They seem more interesting and complete.”

What we aim at when we make small talk is, according to the researcher, to strike a balance between asking questions and answering other people’s questions, being neither too interrogative nor overly guarded.

Small Talk And Dating

The researchers continued their search by looking at a previous study conducted on a sample of 110 people at a speed-dating event. They analyzed the number of questions and follow-up questions that were posed by participants. What they found was that the daters who made follow-up questions were more likely to get a second date.

The conclusion? Asking a good follow-up question is a great idea. When dating, we should try to establish as full and complete a dialogue as possible, rather than a full-blown interrogation session.

Communication expert and author of “The Fine Art Of Small Talk”, Debra Fine told Huffington Post: “There is so much more to a good conversation than merely asking questions and jumping from topic to topic. Follow-up questions are key because otherwise, conversations are just question-after-question with no connection or in-depth real conversation.”

If you’re not sure what questions to ask, read our relevant article for inspiration. For more dating and relationship advice, click here. You may also want to visit AnastasiaDate for the chance to put your newly-acquired knowledge to the test, chatting with amazing Eastern European ladies.

Why Romantic Love Doesn’t Work The Way You Think It Does

Over the years, Romanticism has taught us that there is someone out there who will be the perfect yin to our yang, the light to our darkness, the missing part of our lives that will come to make us complete. However, in reality, romantic love is a whole different story.

How Romanticism Shaped Our Views On Romantic Love

The ideology of Romanticism emerged in Europe in the mid-18th century, expressed by poets, artists, and philosophers, and it has since taken over the world, powerfully (yet very quietly) determining the ending of all Hollywood rom coms, or how a Chinese woman will be proposed to and an Argentinian guy will bring his date roses. However, as with all prevailing ideologies, it has quite a few pitfalls.

Soulmates

To begin with, there is the notion of a soulmate, the notion that you don’t even have to speak to the other person in order for him or her to understand you. This rarely works, as communication is, in fact, absolutely necessary for a relationship. The lack of it is, indeed, one of the greatest relationship killers.

Linking Love And Sex

Another false idea about romantic love is that love and sex are inextricably united. In reality, while sex might be infinitely better when there are strong romantic feelings present, it does not mean that two people who love each other will always be sexually compatible, and vice versa.

Dividing Romantic Love And Practical Life

A third mistaken concept of Romanticism is that it has fostered a division between romantic love and practical life. In romantic novels, for instance, we hardly ever read about the mundane realities of the protagonists, how they get bored when they go to work or how they agonize about paying the electricity bills. These elements of everyday life are best forgotten, giving us the impression that romantic love is only present as we take strolls on the beach at sunset or go on romantic picnics in the forest.

Thinking That Passion Is Unfaltering

A fourth false expectation regarding romantic love has to do with the unwavering existence of passion. Anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship (be it in a marriage or outside of it) can attest to the fact that passion is really hard to maintain and it hardly ever stays the same. In reality, passion comes and goes. You may feel too tired of upset with your partner to feel passionate about them, but then a romantic escape or a new tight dress might revive the feeling all of a sudden.

All in all, even though romantic love is a beautiful and noble idea, it is one we should take with a pinch of salt. Relationships are beautiful as they are complicated, and we should always remind ourselves that they are hard work instead of magically waiting for our partner to read our mind or feeling disappointed when she is too tired to take that stroll in the sunset.

Do you believe in romantic love or not? Either way, you can find your perfect partner on AnastasiaDate today. For more articles on dating and relationships, continue here.

How to Grab A Girl’s Attention And Keep It

If you have your eye on a girl you want to win over, the first thing you need to do is get her attention. But with a mix of stress and excitement taking over you, sometimes this first step is the hardest one to make. And what if you do manage to grab a girl’s attention, but have no idea how to keep it? We’re here to help.

Step 1. This is How You Grab A Girl’s Attention

With dates, it’s “start as you mean to go on”, as they say. So, start boldly, confidently and like the gentleman you are.

Find Common Ground

If you are lucky enough to have a way of learning a few things about your object of desire before you talk to her, for example by being in the same circle of friends that you can ask for info about her, that’s great news.

If not, there is no reason to despair because you can still draw some conclusions about her by observation. For example, you can tell by the place you see her (a theater? a club? the supermarket? her workplace?) one or two things about her and her habits. Observing the way she dresses is also going to give you an idea of what she’s like.

Avoid Awkwardness

So, the first thing to do when you approach her is to avoid using some sort of cheesy chat-up line and go for a clever remark that’s relevant to where you are instead. Once she gives you a reply, you should keep the conversation flowing. If you run out of arguments or topics of conversation, avoid those awkward silences by providing examples: “like that one time when…”

If you are getting positive vibes, you can even make a (subtle) remark about her, commenting on her smile or eyes or hair, for example. You shouldn’t forget about your strongest asset: your sense of humor, too. Make some witty remark about the concert/ play/ bar where you are, but go easy on the sarcasm.

Step 2. Keeping The Girl’s Attention

Now you have managed to grab a girl’s attention,  how do you keep it?

Involve Her In The Conversation

There is nothing drawing girls more than a guy who can take control of a conversation and hold it, either by sharing interesting facts or experiences or by being fun to talk to. Don’t get carried away by the sound of your own voice, though. You should always make sure she is also part in the conversation too, by asking her questions about her and making her feel special.

Choose Intimacy And Simplicity

Now you are fairly confident that she is interested in you, you should try to make things a little more intimate by choosing a different location to continue. First of all, you just take it outside the club or any crowded place you’re in for a more quiet time. Then it’s the perfect idea to suggest a coffee date. Yes, a coffee date. If you’re not convinced a quiet café is an ideal location for a date, read this and reconsider.

After you learn more about her on your coffee date, you should be ready for that all-important second date. Good job.

Hope we helped you see how easy it is to grab a girl’s attention and keep it. For more dating advice, continue here. You may also want to check out AnastasiaDate for mesmerizing girls who will make you want to put this advice to great use. You can also visit our blog for more.