There is one line that an ex can tell you as she breaks up with you that sounds worse than the biggest insult: “We can still be friends”. Even though she may mean it as the words come out of her mouth, there are very real reasons why you simply shouldn’t be friends with your ex.

Thinking About Remaining Friends With Your Ex?

Breaking up is never easy. This is mainly for one simple reason: both partners are not on the same page. One of them is always more invested, more determined to make things work, more in love than the other. Then, the breakup happens, and the dumper might decide to try and keep the platonic part of the relationship – partly because they still care about their ex-partner enough to want them in their life (in a non-sexual way, of course) and partly because it frees their conscience from the guilt of having caused pain. If your girl broke up with you and you’re thinking about remaining friends, you may want to watch this School of Life video before you decide.

Philosopher and founder of the School Of Life, Alain De Botton, explains that “We are deeply attached to the idea that we’re not monsters and as we know, nice people always try to be friends with their exes,” but also adds that “the step from lover to friend is an eternally humiliating demotion”. The person who was rejected will be looking for a sign that things might return to how they used to be again, and the one who left the relationship will never truly be able to offer him comfort, lest the rejected partner misinterprets her kindness as a sign she wants to rekindle things.

Why Beings Friends With An Ex Is A Fallacy

Since true friendship is based on honesty and feeling free to be yourself, this is impossible to do with an ex. As the popular philosopher puts it: “Every sighting of the ex is guaranteed to reignite hope, and then, further insult. One isn’t acquiring a friend, more an unwitting torturer.”

All things considered, it seems clear that trying to remain friends with your ex is a sure-fire way to eliminate all the beautiful moments an ex-couple has shared in their relationship, as the fond memories give their place to feelings of resentment and half-hearted conversations and meetings. As the School of Life video concludes: “There is only one place where the relationship at its best and most enduring light can live on safely: memory.”

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In our (sometimes) desperate desire to find our significant other, we turn to a number of experts for the right advice on how to win over our object of desire. However, almost nothing in life is black and white, and the same goes for the way we should deal with romance and dating. Here are some dating rules you need to stop following blindly.

Why These Common Dating Rules Don’t Work

We don’t suggest that you shouldn’t listen to any kind of advice, but here are some reasons why some dating rules may actually be dating myths.

Rule 1. You shouldn’t discuss any sort of serious topics on your dates. While there is some sense to this piece of advice, it should just be followed on the first, maybe even second, date. You may not want to go into a heavy conversation about politics or religion from the word go, but keeping conversations trivial for longer than that is simply wrong. If you are interested in a serious relationship, you need to know that you and your date are on the same page regarding some core issues, at least.

Rule 2. You shouldn’t ever talk about your past relationships. Again, this is a rule that seems very logical. But here, the key is moderation. Incessantly talking about your ex would be a clear sign you are not over her yet and would, no doubt, put your current date off for good. At the other end of the spectrum, though, acting like you don’t have a past can also be indicative of the fact you’re not over your ex yet. The best idea is to be able to discuss your past (no details necessary, of course), thus showing you are not only over it but also wiser for it.

Rule 3. You need to wait an X amount of time before you pursue sexual contact or agree to it. This piece of advice is so outdated it is almost funny. How soon or late you feel comfortable being intimate with someone is an absolutely personal decision and cannot be put into rules and stereotypes. Simply do what your heart desires and what you both feel comfortable with.

Rule 4. You should keep your “issues” to yourself. While it is logical to try to impress her, if you know you have some specific issues (for example, anxiety attacks or commitment issues), it is best to be open about them and let her know what she is deal with from the start. We’re not suggesting that you should go about talking about your dysfunctional family from the first date, but it’s not a good idea to hide who you really are either. Pretending will not make anyone make the right decisions regarding your relationship.

Rule 5. You should play hard to get. How many times have you heard someone telling you not to text her straight away but rather let 2 days pass before you make any kind of contact as a way to play hard to get? In today’s fast-paced world the next guy is one profile swipe or a click away, so why waste time if you know she’s what you want? As in Rule 3, the best policy is to follow your instinct.

Relationship advice helps us deal with difficult, stressful or unknown situations and that’s why it’s so valuable. However, it is ultimately up to you to decide with relationship rules you want to follow and which you should disregard.

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In a society that is so obsessed with youth, it is easy to forget that today’s 50-year-olds are worlds apart from what quinquagenarians were like just a few decades ago. Perhaps now is a good time to debunk some of the false myths related to dating after 50.

The Myths And The Truth About Dating After 50

Let’s take a look at the most widespread myths regarding middle-aged people dating, as we explain why each one of them is false.

Myth #1: 50-year-olds don’t have enough energy to date. While this may have been true a few decades ago, in actual fact things are very different today. Today people in their 50s have great health, they enjoy a high standard of living and have a completely different lifestyle compared to that of decades ago. People in their 50s are now strong, healthy and full of beans.

Myth #2: People in their 50s don’t have the desire for physical contact. This is one of the biggest myths. People never lose their interest in or need for intimacy. By contrast, as we mature, we gain experience and become better romantic partners. In fact, it is more likely that a partner in their 50s will have enough experience to know how to make his partner happy.

Myth #3: Middle-aged people are narrow-minded. As with most generalizations, there is very little truth in this claim. In reality, people can be narrow-minded at every age – it is up to the individual to see life in an open way and be more accepting and modern in his views. Today’s 50-year-olds are up-to-date and sometimes even more modern in their views than 20-year-olds. We can thank their high levels of education and the media for it.

Myth #4: 50-year-olds carry too much emotional weight. To be fair, this is not factually wrong. But the way you interpret life experiences is totally up to you. Some might say that people in the fifth decade of their lives are carrying emotional baggage that may be a burden for their relationships. Others, however, may see it in a totally different light. As we grow older, we become more multi-dimensional by discovering that life is not black and white. People dating after 50 may have high standards (because they can compare with what they know), but they are also more empathic, understanding and insightful.

As with most things in life, age is a matter of perspective. If you are dating in your 50s, you should not let anyone categorize you just on the basis of your age. If you are thinking about dating someone in their 50s, you should not judge them on a criterion so shallow as age, depriving yourself of what may be a chance of finding true love.

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Anyone who claims not to have suffered the pains of unrequited love is either closer to 14 than to 40 or lying. Most of us have been through this upsetting situation where the person we are after is simply unavailable. What makes this kind of love so difficult to get over, though?

This Is Why Unrequited Love Is So Addictive

If you rationalize it, why would anyone want someone they can’t have? In an ideal world, it would not even cross our minds to pursue people who are emotionally or otherwise unavailable. Why, then, do we cling on to them like a moth to a flame?

The truth of the matter is that we don’t consciously choose who we fall in love with. Unreciprocated love may be a situation where we love someone who is already in a relationship, so can’t return the feeling even if she wanted to or just someone who doesn’t feel the same way about us. Either way, it hurts.

Despite the fact we have little say over who we develop feelings for; most of us tend to idealize that person. As we fall more and more deeply in love with her, we only tend to notice her good features and traits. And while in romantic relationships partners will slowly appear more flawed than we originally thought they were, in a situation where you aren’t involved with your crush, she will continue to appear close to perfection because there is no friction between you or any real-life situation tests to her character.

Another reason why unrequited love is hard to let go of may be that some of us actually get a thrill out of them. If you keep finding yourself in the same pattern of one-sided love, perhaps there are psychological reasons for it. They could range from low self-esteem to a taste for drama, or even deeper reasons. In any case, an honest look into the causes you keep fall for those you can’t have will probably shed some light on the situation and help you move on.

Strange as it may sound, have you thought of the possibility that you are sabotaging yourself without even realizing it? Setting goals that are too high or unrealistic, like falling in love with a Hollywood actress or a woman who’s happily married, also sets you up for failure. Could it be that you are making this choice out of fear of rejection or commitment? If this is the case, unrequited love may be your refuge, your safe place – despite it sounding like some kind of an oxymoron.

For whatever reason you are experiencing this hurtful situation of not being loved back the way you’d like to, there are always ways to move on and find happiness. You just need to be determined and focused on your goal to find the love that you deserve.

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