Anyone who claims not to have suffered the pains of unrequited love is either closer to 14 than to 40 or lying. Most of us have been through this upsetting situation where the person we are after is simply unavailable. What makes this kind of love so difficult to get over, though?
This Is Why Unrequited Love Is So Addictive
If you rationalize it, why would anyone want someone they can’t have? In an ideal world, it would not even cross our minds to pursue people who are emotionally or otherwise unavailable. Why, then, do we cling on to them like a moth to a flame?
The truth of the matter is that we don’t consciously choose who we fall in love with. Unreciprocated love may be a situation where we love someone who is already in a relationship, so can’t return the feeling even if she wanted to or just someone who doesn’t feel the same way about us. Either way, it hurts.
Despite the fact we have little say over who we develop feelings for; most of us tend to idealize that person. As we fall more and more deeply in love with her, we only tend to notice her good features and traits. And while in romantic relationships partners will slowly appear more flawed than we originally thought they were, in a situation where you aren’t involved with your crush, she will continue to appear close to perfection because there is no friction between you or any real-life situation tests to her character.
Another reason why unrequited love is hard to let go of may be that some of us actually get a thrill out of them. If you keep finding yourself in the same pattern of one-sided love, perhaps there are psychological reasons for it. They could range from low self-esteem to a taste for drama, or even deeper reasons. In any case, an honest look into the causes you keep fall for those you can’t have will probably shed some light on the situation and help you move on.
Strange as it may sound, have you thought of the possibility that you are sabotaging yourself without even realizing it? Setting goals that are too high or unrealistic, like falling in love with a Hollywood actress or a woman who’s happily married, also sets you up for failure. Could it be that you are making this choice out of fear of rejection or commitment? If this is the case, unrequited love may be your refuge, your safe place – despite it sounding like some kind of an oxymoron.
For whatever reason you are experiencing this hurtful situation of not being loved back the way you’d like to, there are always ways to move on and find happiness. You just need to be determined and focused on your goal to find the love that you deserve.