It’s important to focus on how you flirt when thinking about making a good impression on your match. You can use various tips and techniques to take flirting to the next level. Try to understand the different stages of flirting, whether it’s your first time or your hundredth. While no rule is absolute, these guidelines will help you get even closer when you date.
There is a basic path to follow when attempting to get things moving with a match:
Assertive Greeting > Fun Banter > Pick a Detail that Says Something About Your Match > Connect on Emotion > Tell a Personal Story > Repeat > Ask for the Next Step
When you greet a match, it can be as simple as “hello” or something more creative. What matters is that you don’t put them on a pedestal in your greeting or early interactions. Most people don’t react very well to being put on a pedestal early on – they know they haven’t earned it, so you must either a) be up to something or b) not accustomed to dealing with such a person.
Try this: “Hello there.”
Instead of this: “Hello beautiful.” Or “My heart skipped a beat just looking at your photos.”
Don’t jump right into facts or deep conversation. The most important part of the Fun Banter phase is to show that you have a sense of humor, and that you’re someone she’ll want to spend time with. People have an incredible radar for avoiding boring or awkward situations, and are quite adept at predicting them. So aim to have a good time with banter, and keep it silly and fun.
Pick a detail that says something about your match
After you’ve encouraged laughter with your banter, and the two of you have established a fun vibe, pick a detail out of something they say that seems to reveal something about their personality. If your match says “I didn’t want to exercise today, but I did anyway,” you can pick out the detail that they have a certain dedication. If your match says they like to ride motorcycles, pick out the detail that they might enjoy danger and adventure. The important thing is that you’re transitioning from Fun Banter to a conversation about who they really are. This is an important step in the conversation, and transitions you to slightly more meaningful connection. It also shows that you’re evaluating them, which is crucial for when you later give a compliment. They will enjoy it more if they earn a compliment.
Connect on emotion
Now that you’ve selected a detail, connect with your match on the emotion of what they are saying, not just the facts. Identify the emotion and run with it.
Tell a personal story
Just as you are exploring the kind of person they are, your match needs to understand the kind of person you are. Now that you’ve connected on emotion, relate that point to a story about yourself. Don’t brag, otherwise they might see it as an attempt to impress them. But tell a story – it should be long enough that it takes a few minutes to tell — that communicates something about your personality and how much you love life. Done well, this will be very attractive and intriguing.
Repeat: Go back to banter
Now that you’ve done one cycle, you’ve guided from a greeting to fun banter to exploring who they really are to connecting emotionally to telling a story about yourself. Congratulations – most don’t make it this far. Now that they are fully intrigued, go back to banter and make them laugh again. Don’t let things get too serious in the conversation. Keep repeating the cycle and every time you’ll both feel more connected.
Ask for the Next Step
Once you’ve perfected this it’s very important for either you or your match to move things forward. Any serious delays could lead to stagnation and a loss of interest. So after you’ve repeated the cycle a few times, move things forward. If it’s your first conversation, tell your match you’d like to speak again. If it’s a face-to-face date, aim for a kiss.
Changing the order of these steps is risky. Done well, you may be surprised how useful this blueprint will be in making your interactions more fun and rewarding.