The Art of Banter: Flirting Guide for Men and Women (Part 2)

Read on to find out about the prime mistake made by most people when flirting both online and in-person.

Right, so most conversations will flow naturally between you and a match you’re dating online. Both people are chilled out and they each take turns talking. Quality always flows in both directions. But now and then when you flirt with someone online or offline, you may get a little nervous and struggle to think of something to say. That’s when you make the biggest error in flirting – asking questions to keep the conversation moving.

Being ‘interviewed’ by someone is not a very nice experience when it comes to dating. This doesn’t make life fun or bring laughter to your world. By asking non-stop questions, you don’t reveal anything interesting. Instead, the conversation will seem unnatural – more like a job interview. The mind of your match is likely to race forward to a future date with you, where the conversation is also boring.


These two online conversations are a good example of how it might go with a match online:

Man: Do you like living in Belgrade?

Woman: Yes, I like it. I’ve lived here my whole life.

Man: Do you have lots of family there?

Woman: I have parents and cousins that live here too.

Man: Nice. What is it like there?

Woman: It is okay. I go to school and work.

Man: Sounds cool. What do you study in school?

Woman: I study psychology.

Man: What do you do for work?

This conversation is tough to read. The guy is not giving her any value in this conversation or making her life any more fun by talking to her. He’s clearly attracted to her and just trying to keep the conversation going. You can feel her getting bored.

Women want a guy they can feel comfortable talking to – someone who has experiences to share with her and who makes her laugh.

So your tip for today is this: if you can avoid it, never, ever ask two questions in a row. Always respond with a statement or a brief story. Provide something of value before asking another question. It can be a rewarding way to flirt your match online:

Man: Do you like living in Belgrade?

Woman: Yes, I like it. I’ve lived here my whole life.

Man: That’s cool. You must know the city really well. I’ve lived in [my city] for several years, but I always push myself to find new things. Last week my friends and I found a new bar that carries rare whiskies, one of my favorite things.

Woman: Nice.

Man: What new things in the city have you done lately?

Woman: I went to a wine tasting last week with my friends. We drank a lot.

Man: Really? So I guess you’re qualified to be my personal wine expert. If you get hired, you’re going to wear an apron and present me with one wine every day to taste, with advice. You start tomorrow. I hope you’re well rested.

Woman: LOL. I’m no expert. You might not want my recommendations.

Man: I’m a very strict employer. You will be fired for any mistakes, so bring your A game. What kind of wine do you prefer, red or white?

This chat is a lot more fluid and fun, partly because the man is contributing to the conversation, which puts her at ease. She learns several things about him very quickly: he’s social, likes exploring new attractions in a city, he likes wine, and he’s not too nervous or boring to joke around.

This takes a bit of practice, especially when you’re nervous talking to a match you’ve just met! But live chatting on AnastasiaDate is perfect for this kind of practice. Just remember the rule — never ask the next question until you’ve added some value. Start interacting in a rhythm that’s natural, attractive, and helps the connection progress.