Whenever you flirt or chat with a date—either online or face-to-face—it’s always important not to “interview” your match by asking too many consecutive questions. Instead, try to lead the conversation in a direction that emotionally connects the two of you. There’s a simple technique for connecting with a prospective partner on an emotional level: respond to the emotional content of what they say, rather than the factual content.
For example, if your match says:
“I went skydiving once.”
A fact-based response might look like this: “Cool. My friend is a professional skydiver.”
Whereas an emotion-based response could be something along the lines of: “That’s great. I like when people are adventurous enough to step outside their everyday comfort zone. How did you feel right after you jumped?”
When your match tells you something about themselves, they communicate both factual content (e.g. that they went skydiving) and emotional content (e.g. they are adventurous and love fun). If you respond with a fact about yourself (especially one that “one-ups” her story), it won’t make them feel like you are connecting. If you acknowledge that they are trying to share an emotion, and lead the conversation towards that, the two of you will build a much deeper connection.
It’s tricky to train yourself not to respond with a “me” statement—when we speak to each other, one-upmanship is natural. But when couples do it, it can feel cold and insensitive, or even self-absorbed.
Practice this technique of responding to the emotional content she provides you, and you’ll find that your conversations leave both of you feeling more connected