There isn’t one couple in the world that doesn’t have arguments, and there is no person out there who doesn’t hate them. Truth be told, we’d rather they didn’t exist in the first place, but we are also rather unwilling to always give into our partner’s whims by constantly apologizing. So, how do you defuse an argument without apologizing? It only takes one word. Anastasia Date explains.

Anastasia Date: This One Word Can Help Defuse Arguments

As Hal Runkel, a marriage and family therapist and the author of many books on parenting and relationships (including his most recent “Choose Your Own Adulthood“) puts it: “No one can touch you like the one you expose yourself most to, but no one can hurt you like the one you expose yourself the most to.” Which is why we often lose control when we argue with our significant other, saying the exact things we know will cause them hurt out of spite for being hurt ourselves. And once a word has left our mouth, there is no going back.

In an interview hosted by Business Insider, Runkel shared his wisdom with readers, saying that one small word can make things a whole lot better during an argument. This word is “Ouch”.

How And When To Say It

Runkel says we hardly ever use this word. Instead, according to the expert: “When [you’re] in conflict, inevitably [you] will say something that hurts the other person using the ‘inside information’ that you have on them or that they have on you.”

So, when you know your partner has issues with her family, for instance, you might use this info next time you have an argument, saying something like: “Even your sister thinks you’re a selfish person, you’ve been like this all your life”, just to make your argument stronger and hurt her with this convenient truth.

It is exactly in situations like this that Runkel suggests we use the word “Ouch”. What he proposes we say is something like “Ouch. That one hurt. I don’t know if you were meaning to hurt me; I don’t know if that’s what you were going for – but that’s what you did”, thus letting our significant other know exactly how their behavior has made us feel.

The Response We Should Expect

Your partner will most probably go on the defensive and say, “But you’ve said some pretty hurtful things to me too!”

To which you should reply: “You’re right. I have, and I hate that I have.”

According to Runkel, “That conversation —which was a very familiar path, that fight — is now a totally different path because one of you chose to actually get vulnerable. It wasn’t a step of pushing [your partner] away. It was a step of inviting [your partner] in by saying: You know what? I am open enough to you that you can actually hurt me. So now how about we talk to each other as if we actually love each other?”

By showing your partner that you are vulnerable and fallible too you are opening up a whole new kind of conversation, one that can be carried on a different, more sensitive and sensible level.

And Another Thing

Another important thing Runkel added is that your partner’s next sentence when you say how much you’ve been hurt could reveal a lot about your relationship and your partner. If they are unwilling to negotiate and carry on discussing things calmly, it is definitely bad news as it could be a sign of lack of sensitivity (and perhaps even love).

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It’s important to focus on how you flirt when thinking about making a good impression on your match. You can use various tips and techniques to take it to the next level and start flirting successfully. Try to understand the different stages of flirting, whether it’s your first time or your hundredth. While no rule is absolute, these guidelines will help you get even closer when you date.

Basic Path To Follow If You Want To Be Flirting Successfully

Assertive Greeting

When you greet a match, it can be as simple as “hello” or something more creative. What matters is that you don’t put them on a pedestal in your greeting or early interactions. Most people don’t react very well to being put on a pedestal early on – they know they haven’t earned it, so you must either a) be up to something or b) not accustomed to dealing with such a person.

Try this: “Hello there.”

Instead of this: “Hello beautiful.” Or “My heart skipped a beat just looking at your photos.”

Fun Banter

Don’t jump right into facts or deep conversation if you want to be flirting successfully. The most important part of the Fun Banter phase is to show that you have a sense of humor, and that you’re someone she’ll want to spend time with. People have an incredible radar for avoiding boring or awkward situations, and are quite adept at predicting them. So aim to have a good time with banter, and keep it silly and fun.

Pick a detail that says something about your match

After you’ve encouraged laughter with your banter, and the two of you have established a fun vibe, pick a detail out of something they say that seems to reveal something about their personality. If your match says “I didn’t want to exercise today, but I did anyway,” you can pick out the detail that they have a certain dedication. If your match says they like to ride motorcycles, pick out the detail that they might enjoy danger and adventure. The important thing is that you’re transitioning from Fun Banter to a conversation about who they really are. This is an important step in the conversation, and transitions you to slightly more meaningful connection. It also shows that you’re evaluating them, which is crucial for when you later give a compliment. They will enjoy it more if they earn a compliment.

Connect on emotion

Now that you’ve selected a detail, connect with your match on the emotion of what they are saying, not just the facts. Identify the emotion and run with it.

Tell a personal story

Just as you are exploring the kind of person they are, your match needs to understand the kind of person you are. Now that you’ve connected on emotion, relate that point to a story about yourself. Don’t brag, otherwise they might see it as an attempt to impress them. But tell a story – it should be long enough that it takes a few minutes to tell – that communicates something about your personality and how much you love life. Done well, this will be very attractive and intriguing.

Repeat: Go back to banter

Now that you’ve done one cycle, you’ve guided from a greeting to fun banter to exploring who they really are to connecting emotionally to telling a story about yourself. Congratulations – most don’t make it this far. Now that they are fully intrigued, go back to banter and make them laugh again. Don’t let things get too serious in the conversation. Keep repeating the cycle and every time you’ll both feel more connected.

Ask for the Next Step

Once you’ve perfected this it’s very important for either you or your match to move things forward. Any serious delays could lead to stagnation and a loss of interest. So after you’ve repeated the cycle of flirting successfully a few times, move things forward. If it’s your first conversation, tell your match you’d like to speak again. If it’s a face-to-face date, aim for a kiss.

Changing the order of these steps is risky. Done well, you may be surprised how useful this blueprint will be in making your interactions more fun and rewarding.

It is a universally accepted truth that not all people are the same. One of the things setting us apart is how open we choose to be in our relationships with others. Some of us tend to be more introverted, while others feel comfortable trusting people right away. Have you ever thought that in your search for a life partner you may not be as vulnerable on a date as you should?

This Is How To Tell If You’re Vulnerable On A Date Or Not

Being open with people we know is hard enough, so it’s only natural to be even more reserved with people that we hardly know. As we grow, life teaches us to put up walls and hide our emotions to avoid further heartache. Especially those of us coming from recent or very hurtful experiences will be even more reluctant to put our trust on a stranger. So, how do you know if you are being too careful, then? These are some of the most common signs:

You Always Expect The Worst

If you assume that the person you are dating is going to screw you over sooner or later, you may believe that you are saving yourself from eventual pain by not trusting them but,  in reality, you are not giving that person a real chance to prove their worth. What’s the use of dating someone you don’t believe in?

You Avoid Questions

When you’re on a date, do you answer to his/ her questions in an honest and open way, or do you measure every word, try to avoid giving out more personal information and change the subject when you feel that you’re about to reveal something about yourself? If so, it may be a clear sign you’re afraid of being vulnerable on a date.

You Don’t Give People Time

Once an idea a person is one way takes root in your mind, there is really no way back. From then on, every date is just an effort you’re unconsciously making to confirm your assumption is right. If all you are doing is looking for clues to convince yourself that your date is not good enough, all you are doing is sabotaging your relationship before it’s even started.

You Think It’s All A Game

Yes, dating can be fun like a game, but it’s not a real game as such. The reason two people date is because they like each other and want to know more about each other, after all. If you don’t take dating seriously, you may not be invested enough to make things work. Games usually involve some competition and seeing the other person as a rival, and in the case of dating the other person should hardly be seen as such.

You Already See An Expiration Date

If you have a certain amount of dates you allow yourself to go to, or if you have already decided in your head that you will allow your dates to reach a certain ‘depth” but not turn into something more, chances are it is coming across to your potential partner and acts as a real deterrent. So, even if you don’t realize you’re feeling this way, or take the initiative to end things, you are still not allowing things to progress further than a few superficial dates.

In a world that’s full of potential but also superficiality and fast-food relationships, it’s easy to close yourself off to something deeper for fear of getting heartbroken. Being vulnerable on a date, however,  is not about being naive and silly, it’s the only way to forge a real and meaningful relationship with a person who will do the same for you. Remember, relationships that are not built on mutual trust are doomed to failure.

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Times may have changed and women may be more emancipated than ever, but they still like to let the guys do most of the work when it comes to flirting. Sometimes, however, their flirting can be so subtle – or guys may be so thick – that it’s almost imperceptible. Could it be that she’s flirting with you and you don’t even realize it?

If She’s Doing This, Maybe She’s Flirting With You

From her very subtle body language moves to the way she responds to your comments or the way she tries to get some alone time with you, these are the signs that should tell you that she’s interested in you.

She tilts her head. If she tilts her head to one side as you talk; flipping her hair, for example, it might be a sign she’s into you. Our neck is one of the most vulnerable parts of our body and also one of the greatest erogenous zones. So, her willingness to expose this part so openly means that she is, perhaps unwittingly, trying to lure you. If it’s accompanied with direct eye-gazing too, we’re kind of wondering why you haven’t made your move yet.

She walks by you multiple times. If you are standing at the bar and you have already seen her pass by you more than once or twice, you should start wondering if she is trying to draw your attention so that you will make the first move.

You’ve got her undivided attention. In the event you are already talking to her, check out how willing she is to continue the conversation. A good idea is to ask simple questions that could be answered in a few words and see if she elaborates further than necessary.

If you are with a bunch of people and crack a joke to find her laughing her heart out even when it’s not that hilarious, it could also be a sign she is interested in you and is eager for you to know it.

She’s got that goofy smile. The endorphins our body produces when we’re happy and/or in love make us smile from ear to ear. If she can’t seem to wipe that smile from her face as you talk to each other, it may be that she really, really likes you.

She draws attention to her lips. A woman’s mouth is one of the sexiest things on her, so if you see her touching her lips, biting them, or playing with the straw as she sips her drink, it is most probably a sign she likes what she sees and wants you to notice her too.

She’s eyeing you. One of the least subtle ways to tell she’s flirting with you is when she can’t take her eyes off of you. A piercing look can be felt from right across the room, so if the look is coming from her direction, look back and see what happens.

These are just some of the ways to tell she’s flirting with you, of course. Every woman is different and her flirting ways can be a lot more forward or even more subtle, but by and large, you should not neglect these signs – especially if you are also drawn to her.

Did you find this article enlightening? Hope we helped you recognize flirting signs more easily. If you’re in the mood to flirt, why not visit AnastasiaDate for the chance to meet some of the most beautiful Eastern European ladies today? If you wish to continue reading articles on dating and relationships, click here. The social media fans among you can also follow us on Facebook and Twitter.