Category Archives: Dating News

Why Is Unrequited Love So Damn Hard To Overcome?

Anyone who claims not to have suffered the pains of unrequited love is either closer to 14 than to 40 or lying. Most of us have been through this upsetting situation where the person we are after is simply unavailable. What makes this kind of love so difficult to get over, though?

This Is Why Unrequited Love Is So Addictive

If you rationalize it, why would anyone want someone they can’t have? In an ideal world, it would not even cross our minds to pursue people who are emotionally or otherwise unavailable. Why, then, do we cling on to them like a moth to a flame?

The truth of the matter is that we don’t consciously choose who we fall in love with. Unreciprocated love may be a situation where we love someone who is already in a relationship, so can’t return the feeling even if she wanted to or just someone who doesn’t feel the same way about us. Either way, it hurts.

Despite the fact we have little say over who we develop feelings for; most of us tend to idealize that person. As we fall more and more deeply in love with her, we only tend to notice her good features and traits. And while in romantic relationships partners will slowly appear more flawed than we originally thought they were, in a situation where you aren’t involved with your crush, she will continue to appear close to perfection because there is no friction between you or any real-life situation tests to her character.

Another reason why unrequited love is hard to let go of may be that some of us actually get a thrill out of them. If you keep finding yourself in the same pattern of one-sided love, perhaps there are psychological reasons for it. They could range from low self-esteem to a taste for drama, or even deeper reasons. In any case, an honest look into the causes you keep fall for those you can’t have will probably shed some light on the situation and help you move on.

Strange as it may sound, have you thought of the possibility that you are sabotaging yourself without even realizing it? Setting goals that are too high or unrealistic, like falling in love with a Hollywood actress or a woman who’s happily married, also sets you up for failure. Could it be that you are making this choice out of fear of rejection or commitment? If this is the case, unrequited love may be your refuge, your safe place – despite it sounding like some kind of an oxymoron.

For whatever reason you are experiencing this hurtful situation of not being loved back the way you’d like to, there are always ways to move on and find happiness. You just need to be determined and focused on your goal to find the love that you deserve.

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A Love Drug That Will Solve Our Romantic Problems Is Becoming A Reality

From the magical potions witches made in fairytales to an era where we are coming to understand our brains so well that there are now ways to experience emotions through drugs, one thing has always been the goal: love. It seems that a love drug is about to change the way we perceive the strongest emotion of all.

Why Would You Take A Love Drug?

After many years of constant and systematic research and experimentation, scientists seem to have come to understand how our brain experiences love through activation of its complex subsystems. By experimenting on two different kinds of prairie voles – one that’s monogamous and one that isn’t – scientists have come to identify the brain system behind romantic feelings in long-term relationships. Apparently, the difference in the oxytocin systems of the two species is what causes their different approaches to love.

Because there is not one kind of love though, as there are different chemicals released when we first fall in love and different ones when we are in a long-term, stable relationship, neuroscientists are more likely to focus the love drug on bringing the rush of the first stage of a romance back to long-term relationships.

The Various Uses Of A Love Drug

There may also be other uses, though, or even other types of emotion-controlling drugs, like the one that may act as an antidote for love. This could potentially be useful in abusive relationships when the abused partner would rather fall out of love and leave their abusive partner for good.

It is hard to tell, but some may say that there are already emotion-inducing drugs out there, some legally and others not. For instance, MDMA or the Amazonian hallucinogenic ayahuasca both bring about the release of oxytocin in the body. However, the effects they have are too short-term to have any true and lasting effect on a couple’s relationship.

A Question Of Ethics

As concerns the ethical aspect of love drugs, and whether it is morally right to interfere with love in a relationship, Anders Sandberg, a neuroethicist at Oxford University’s Future of Humanity Institute, has his own opinion. He says, “Should people having trouble in a relationship go to a marriage counselor? Shouldn’t a marriage just fall apart naturally? If someone goes away on a romantic holiday that costs a lot of money and comes back with a better marriage, we’d probably say, ‘Yeah, that’s great.’”

Despite the fact there is still a lot of research to be done, what’s probably more difficult to do than produce the love drug (or drugs if different kinds of them are produced), the big question is how and when it will be alright to take them. True life is a little more complicated than fairytales.

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Why This New Breakup Style Is Far Better Than Ghosting

Anyone who has been in a position where they had to end a relationship surely knows that it’s not an easy thing to do. Breaking the news to someone that you will no longer be together can be tough on both sides. The new breakup style, recommended by “Life Incorporated” founder, Halley Bock, is a sensitive and honest way to do it.

“Saying Goodbye” Is The New Breakup Style

Far from the cold-hearted and impersonal attitude that’s adopted by those who prefer “ghosting” as a way to end a relationship, “saying goodbye” is personal and aims to give actual closure to a relationship that just doesn’t work.

Why Is It Important To Say Goodbye?

Halley Bock, the woman behind this new breakup technique, points out that showing compassion is vital when it comes to ending a relationship. While it may be convenient to lay the blame of a breakup on others and accuse them of being toxic or evil, in reality, there is no way for us to ever be freed from the emotional baggage unless we say our proper goodbyes.

According to the inspirational author, there is no reason to carry the burden of a relationship that’s no good for us like a heavy bag of stones on our backs. Instead, she proposes that we adopt a more direct and frank approach to how we finish things off, by explaining the reasons for our decision and offering closure.

How Do You Say Goodbye?

What Bock advises people about to break up is to keep the focus on themselves. A good idea is to talk about the effect of the relationship on the person, instead of accusing the soon-to-be-ex partner of the relationship’s failure. So, instead of saying “You are a bad person” you should choose something like “I feel that this relationship does not have the right dynamic for me”.

In any case, she points out that it is essential to make it clear that there is no going back. When you say goodbye, make sure it is understood that the decision is final and do not leave any windows or hopes of a reconnection open.

How To Handle The Reaction

In the event the other person reacts badly, Bock says you should keep your cool and try not to engage in any kind of altercation. Allow the person to accept the harsh reality, as any kind of reaction may be expected when such news is broken to someone. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective, as any person asked to accept something so upsetting is entitled to a reaction.

Even though this new breakup style may not be groundbreaking exactly, in an era of “fast food” relationships, when there is a term for disappearing without a trace from one, it is good to see things from a compassionate and logical angle and end things in a manner which may not be the easiest thing to do, but seems to be the best for both sides.

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