There is one line that an ex can tell you as she breaks up with you that sounds worse than the biggest insult: “We can still be friends”. Even though she may mean it as the words come out of her mouth, there are very real reasons why you simply shouldn’t be friends with your ex.
Thinking About Remaining Friends With Your Ex?
Breaking up is never easy. This is mainly for one simple reason: both partners are not on the same page. One of them is always more invested, more determined to make things work, more in love than the other. Then, the breakup happens, and the dumper might decide to try and keep the platonic part of the relationship – partly because they still care about their ex-partner enough to want them in their life (in a non-sexual way, of course) and partly because it frees their conscience from the guilt of having caused pain. If your girl broke up with you and you’re thinking about remaining friends, you may want to watch this School of Life video before you decide.
Philosopher and founder of the School Of Life, Alain De Botton, explains that “We are deeply attached to the idea that we’re not monsters and as we know, nice people always try to be friends with their exes,” but also adds that “the step from lover to friend is an eternally humiliating demotion”. The person who was rejected will be looking for a sign that things might return to how they used to be again, and the one who left the relationship will never truly be able to offer him comfort, lest the rejected partner misinterprets her kindness as a sign she wants to rekindle things.
Why Beings Friends With An Ex Is A Fallacy
Since true friendship is based on honesty and feeling free to be yourself, this is impossible to do with an ex. As the popular philosopher puts it: “Every sighting of the ex is guaranteed to reignite hope, and then, further insult. One isn’t acquiring a friend, more an unwitting torturer.”
All things considered, it seems clear that trying to remain friends with your ex is a sure-fire way to eliminate all the beautiful moments an ex-couple has shared in their relationship, as the fond memories give their place to feelings of resentment and half-hearted conversations and meetings. As the School of Life video concludes: “There is only one place where the relationship at its best and most enduring light can live on safely: memory.”
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